Deep

You, me, empty beach
Lukewarm tea in polystyrene
Secret thoughts cast out to sea
On broken glass you fell asleep
I whispered, “Don’t follow me”
And swam ’til I was out of reach
Further from you
Closer to me
To madder ideas than you could ever conceive
And thoughts that are deeper
Deeper than this, deeper than me
To the might haves and the has beens
To separate futures and choreographed smoke screens
Your love for me like seaweed
Wrapped around my ankle, trying to kick you free
And then: a sudden clarity of mind and I decide
That comparing my moods to the changing tides
Is too benign, too simplified
You should think of me, really,
As all of that exasperated energy beneath
The kind that riles in whirlpools, in eddies
In tsunamis, in bed sheets
Or as a simple pebble that you choose, hold, and then throw back
Into the same situation from which it has just escaped
The harsh worn smooth, gradually
Your voice slowly eroding my sharp parts, the ugly,
The physical extensions of a psyche permanently lost at sea
How many years would it take for you to file down my edges
To wear me down with hits and kisses and all those near-misses?
I tried to drown but the ocean just spat me out
And out and out again
I emerged from the deep
Freezing
Free
Too shocked to speak
Bone-dry by the time you woke up and looked at me
You didn’t ask me where I’d been
You didn’t even know I’d left
But the next time I leave
You’ll notice,
Believe me.


Originally published on Hijacked Amygdala here.

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