City Triptych


Thursday night in the city / 10pm-ish I think / I’m busy / doing nothing / watching / the girl in green as she trips down the escalator & cuts her knee / it bleeds a little & her friends scream. Apparently / once lost / sanity is hard to find; seeing is believing & I am blind [drunk]. I can’t remember exactly where I lost my mind but I might well have lost it here / Kings Cross no apostrophe / where the streets are mean & the people are mean(er) & I myself have nowhere to be & no one to see (I was meant to party with a drag queen but he’s pulled a sickie) & I must stop praying to a God who doesn’t believe in me & yes, the Eurostar is tempting—Montmartre in the morning—drunken dreaming? clearly: I don’t have the fucking money for properly escaping. And look at the men on a stag-do whistling / grinning / leering. Misery hates company but danger becomes me. Where I end up this evening remains to be seen but for now / for right now / it’s just me, Chablis & Sarrazin (Patti gave me Albertine for free) & the grime of city life trapped between my grinding teeth.


My London: where everything is hideously ugly & astonishingly beautiful at exactly the same time. A great place to die. Perfect, actually. So many faces / no recognition / no importance / common ignorance / united in division. Too many secret places to hide / tall buildings / lax security / Thames / parks / forests / lakes / the Heath. Bridges with no nets / platforms with no barriers / stations with no guard / bodies with no names / wards with no beds / crisis line ringing, no one to answer at the other end. Traffic / A-roads / North Circ. Drugs & fights & acid & knives & guns & so much fucking fun! Tragic & romantic & historic, MAGIC, the perfect place to disappear: out of the frying pan, into the melting pot: the perfect place to die.


Don’t look for me. If I can get lost
in my hometown, if I cannot find
myself, you haven’t got a hope
in hell. Don’t look, for me. Don’t.


Originally published by Idle Ink (October 2021).



  1. This is beautiful, H. It has such urgency but also an apathy to it that I find to be a really interesting combination. Always stunned by your talent. Always excited when I see a new post from you in my inbox.

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