Got a corkboard the size
of a dining table
painted one side
of the frame bright yellow
the face
to be seen on good days
on the reverse the edge is
painted grey
that’s the side where my
dark notes hide
facing the wall so guests don’t
feel afraid
when they visit
and across the board
squares of white
paper are pinned
most of which list
reasons to quit, in neon
pink capital letters
others are bright green
bullets, distractions
to turn to when cravings hit
because I have no choice
but to cold turkey it
with no doctor no rehab no medicine
no tests no help no monitoring no way
no way out no other way to do this
except at home today
with panic and sickness
with shame and anguish
and the 9 by 6 grid
that no longer lists
your name
as one of my reasons
to live.
Originally published at Selcouth Station (July 2021)
Those last four lines! 💙💙
<3