Things The Narrator Does in ‘History of Present Complaint’

– hits a policeman in the face
– forgets what humans are
– believes she’s a microwave meal
– wins a novelty keyring
– slags off the number 5
– asks her abuser for help
– drinks blue cocktails
– loses her dead dad’s phone
– wins an Oscar
– forgets to collect a pizza
– gets hypothermia
– is force-fed custard
– becomes a video on a stranger’s phone
– smashes her boyfriend’s house up
– rips a cannula out of her arm
– goes to the Wetherspoons
– tells a guy that he’s ‘a fucking dead man’
– smashes a tower of wine bottles in Lidl
– sets her hair on fire
– burns her fingertips off
– witnesses the end of the world
– fucks up a crossword
– has some nosebleeds
– makes the front page of every national newspaper
– scares the shit out of a social worker
– sees a sarcophagus and some skeletons
– looks at her eyes through her eyes with her eyes
– gets Terry Wogan and Bruce Forsyth mixed up
– sleeps through a terror attack
– forgets how to breathe
– runs away to Mexico
– gets a book written about her

If you want to find out how/where/why the narrator does these things, you can get a copy of History of Present Complaint by HLR here:

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