Got a corkboard the size of a dining table

painted one side of the frame bright yellow

the face to be seen on good days

on the reverse the edge is painted grey

that’s the side where my dark notes hide

facing the wall so guests don’t feel afraid when they visit

and across the board, squares of white paper are pinned

most of which list reasons to quit, in neon pink capital letters

others are bright green bullets, distractions to turn to when cravings hit

because I have no choice but to cold-turkey it

with no doctor no rehab no medicine

no tests no help no monitoring no way

no way out no other way to do this

except alone at home today

with panic and sickness and anguish

and the 9 by 6 grid that no longer lists

your name as one of my reasons to live.


  1. Yes, what Jude said. Keep writing!
    You never fail to touch my heart with your words and I hope that by writing it down it heals yours a little more every time too. You’re stronger and so much more important than you realise! ❤❤

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