My Feelings Are Fighting Amongst Themselves Again

The fucked-up family of feelings that reside inside me are fighting amongst themselves again / squabbling siblings trying to out-shout one another / to cause the biggest drama that they can possibly muster / and the parents are both as bad as each other

Suicide / the father / the loudest of them all / tearing through the chambers of my skull / weilding what he believes to be ultimate control / yet failing to notice the destruction he leaves in his wake

and meek mother Depression just sits in a corner / weak / she cannot cope / she has lost control of everything / a failure / with a tear-stained face / the urge to walk out / to disappear / to start a new life hovers in her stomach / but she is too sad and too tired to move / to do anything at all

and down the hall the youngest of the children / Shame and Self-Loathing / non-identical twins / born to be bad / are crying in tandem / pulling each other’s pigtails / scratching and pinching opposing skin / and trading nasty remarks

while the older kids / Rage / Terror / and Panic / close in age / teenage mood swings amplified / with fists through walls / broken glass / violent tantrums / slamming doors / drugs and darkness and damage and disillusion / they compete as siblings do:

who can cause the most havoc?
I can
no I can
wait, why don’t we all just act up?
what, all of us proper going mad at the same time?
yeah, maybe if we really fuck shit up the ‘rents will notice us?
I’m up for it
yeah I’m game
woohooo! let’s burn this fucking house down!
let’s get the twins to help us too!
fuck it, yeah, why not?
that’d be cool, all of us together just destroying everything
maybe we can really push mother over the edge?
yeah, let’s!
yes, let’s, let’s!
like, really fucking push her over the edge this time..
yeah, let’s do it!
let’s wage the bloodiest war
and shout so loud that father will come in and end us all!
no more living inside this stupid skull!
all of us dead, once and for all!
yeah let’s do it!
yes! let’s!

4 thoughts on “My Feelings Are Fighting Amongst Themselves Again

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