14 Days

14 days of self-isolation,
not because you are infected
with the COVID-19 virus
but because you:

are seriously depressed // don’t want to go to work // hate everyone // NEED to finish. writing. your. fucking. novel. // want to read Ducks, Newburyport // like the idea of your boyfriend leaving snacks-cigarettes-drinks on the other side of the door to your quarantine room and having to do nothing in return // want to find out how long your armpit hair can actually grow and discover, once and for all, exactly how many times in row you can make yourself come // want to read In Search of Lost Time // truly believe you’d do well, no, THRIVE in prison but want to practice (just in case) // seriously need some fucking sleeeeeep, goddamn it // haven’t seen any of The Hobbit or LOTR films // could really do with a drink and drug detox // WOULD GET THE WHOLE BED TO YOURSELF (!!!) // don’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day // are bored of the pub and all of the people in it // are safer indoors (outside = creeps-men-danger-trouble-triggers-temptations) // probably have coronavirus anyway because you feel like death warmed up // want to be left the fuck alone for once in your life, Jesus H Christ! // have forgotten a lot of French and want to relearn // want to read À la recherche du temps perdu // have got SO many words in you that you need to get out but life keeps getting in the way // are so sick of constantly TRYING: trying all of the fucking time: trying to be alive-human-normal-sane: trying to be good: trying to be perfect and you really don’t want to try anymore // are interested to find out who (if anyone) missed you.

TL;DR: Isolation sounds heavenly. If you’re infected, kiss me.

In this poem I’m trying to portray the ridiculousness of my mental illnesses, the disordered cognitive processes which make me think that contracting a potentially fatal infection would be preferable to having to do “normal people things” i.e being alive in a world of pain and misery.

My younger brother (my favourite human in the whole world) has just spent a month in Thailand, is currently in Malaysia, and is flying to Australia this evening; though he’s super fit and healthy, I’m terrified that he’ll get sick. Please, whoever you are, wherever you are, take the necessary precautions to protect yourself from catching this nasty virus, particularly if you are vulnerable (have a respiratory disease, heart conditions, weak immune system, underlying health conditions, are elderly or have travelled abroad recently). Stay safe out there, kids. Thank you for reading ♥♥♥

Featured image: Getty Images via ES Magazine


  1. I’ve just had a screaming row with my drug addicted, stress disordered, joyless son. THIS…your words, are so timely perfect and have made me smile (in parts). In many other parts I just want to hug you/inappropriate though that may be. ❤…and I agree with varjak that ‘this was mad. Kudos’ – succinctly saying what I needed to say, but can’t because I’m always compelled to say too much. Bleurgh…

    1. Hugs from you are always appropriate!! I’m sorry to hear about the row with your son, hopefully it’s one that you can kiss and make up from. Sounds tough though. Hope you’re okay xxx

      1. I’m totally okay but he’s such a sad boy, it hurts my heart. We never argue, but we’re back chatting about shit today. We’re ok. Thank you for that though…I’m so sorry that I blahhhed all over your blog but YOU touch my heart too and reading your words put things into perspective. I love the way you write but hate thinking of you in pain. X

      2. Ohhhhh god I can’t even imagine what it must be like to see your kid suffering :( I’m glad you’re back to shit-chatting though – from what I know of you, he’s very lucky to have you as a mum, and I really genuinely hope that he can find a way out of his darkness <3

        Don't ever apologise for blah'ing!!! This is a safe space for blahhhhers and shit-chatters! Thank you for reading and commenting – your presence here makes me feel heard, and less alone so THANK YOU! xxx

    2. My heart breaks for all of you, and I appreciate reading your comments too Allane, for the addiction issues in my family, and with an old friend I adore.
      I agree with your comments…it’s so important to share the pain, but I’m so sorry you are all in so much pain!
      You’re not alone xo

      1. Life is an uphill struggle for so many people.. hopefully the more we talk about it, the less alone we feel, the more strength we can gather to fight our demons.

        I’m incredibly lucky to have encountered so many kind souls (such as yourself) on wordpress <3 I'm always in awe of how supportive the writing community is! xx

      2. Yes, it is! I can be really introverted but I have learned over the years how important community is, that we really are wired for it, and that reaching out, in spite of our own conflicting thoughts and feelings, is incredibly important for our well being.

        Awww thank you! And I feel the same. xo

      3. There was a time when I felt completely alone so I do know how that feels, but thankfully I realised a long time ago that I’m never entirely alone. Communication is the key, isn’t it…in whatever way works for you. X

Tell me what you think!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s