NYE: Good Anxiety

Can I bottle this
feeling? Not bottle it
inside of me, secretly, negatively,
but gather it up
and keep it in a jar, for posterity,
for future mes,
for when the hopelessness inevitably
hits. This feeling:

this good anxiety
that arrives in Betweenmas
this good anxiety
that welcomes the start of a new year
this good anxiety
that throws a middle finger to the current one

is the belief
in being successful and healthy
possibly even sober, possibly even happy

is the anticipation
of creating a version of myself
that I don’t hate

is the excitement
of looking in the mirror
and being pleased with my body

is the hope
of being better
of being good

(of maybe even being great (!))

I fear the repeating of history
that I will feast on these feelings
too quickly
too early
too greedily
and run out of hope
before it’s even 12 o’clo—

no. Fuck negativity.
This year I will do things differently:

I will bottle up my dreams
and newfound self-belief
I will carry them around with me
in a silver canteen
and take a little sip
whenever I want to

whenever I need


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