NYE was disastrous: a big fight and an unforgivable text message.
Boyfriend dumped me.
Nights wandering around the city, afraid and alone.
Fibromyalgia killing me: physical pain worse than mental pain.
My beautiful baby nephew is born.
Saw The Weeping Woman by Picasso at the Tate Modern for the 2nd time.
Reluctantly reconnected with boyfriend.
Decided to read more work by women.
Butchered my arms with a carving knife.
Mood highly unstable: crying and panic attacks a daily occurrence.
26th birthday: Brighton, breakdown, overdose, hypothermia, illegally detained at hospital and physically assaulted by security staff and policeman.
Alive but traumatised.
PTSD: nightmares of men in authority grabbing me, hurting me.
Temporarily separated from boyfriend.
Relied totally on a toxic friendship: made blood pact with a bad man.
Physically and mentally very unwell and doing nothing to get better.
Went to London Zoo.
Too much cocaine.
Went to Cornwall to visit Dad’s grave.
Suddenly obsessed with my body and appearance, began writing the Body Series.
Shared the realest thing I’ve ever written.
Went to Southend to detox: failed.
Mood app indicated a severe depressive episode.
Moved out of my flat.
Moved in with boyfriend on a “very temporary basis.”
Read and transcribed my old diaries then burnt them.
Can’t secure somewhere to live.
Experienced the worst psychotic episode of my life.
Detained by police, involuntarily sectioned under the Mental Health Act, admitted to hospital.
Can’t find anywhere safe to live.
Went to Cornwall to visit Dad’s grave on the 3rd anniversary of his death.
Fear, shame, terror, confusion, paranoia, embarrassment, depression, panic, insomnia: a suicidal wreck.
Can’t find anywhere suitable to live.
Returned to social media after a 5 year break (joined Twitter).
Spent 2 incredible weeks alone in Mexico.
Can’t find anywhere affordable to live.
Sick, exhausted, depressed, frightened.
Still living with boyfriend, about to share our 4th Christmas together.
Attempting to ignore suicidal impulses by making big plans for 2020.
Determined to return to Mexico.
Determined to NOT repeat the past year.