Q) What did you write about before your Dad died?
A) Being worried about Dad dying. Wanting to die instead of him.
Q) All of your grandparents have passed away, are you still a granddaughter?
A) Brother says that you are, but you’re not sure.
Q) Does she believe that she is a good person?
A) You want to interview her, get all of the answers once and for all. You have so many questions, you go through them in your head at night, over and over until you finally pass out. You are too frightened to ask her because you know that her answers will make you angry. Maybe anger is worth it for the truth.
Q) Are you being stupid by giving money away?
A) Yes and no. No. “You can’t take it with you.”
Q) Is it ‘wracked’ or ‘racked’?
A) Maybe if you stopped racking up lines you’d be able to wrack your brains for the answer.
Q) Do your sister’s kids miss you as much as you miss them?
A) No because it’s not possible. And they’re such happy, carefree little angels, they do not understand “missing” yet. You must make sure they stay happy and carefree for as long as humanly possible.
Q) Coach or train?
Coach. Train. Coach. Train.
Q) Are you going to cry when you see the kids?
A) Probably, but you won’t let them see your tears.
Q) Will you finish your manuscript this year?
A) You’d fucking better. It’s important.
Q) Why do you think that your life/your self is worth writing about at all?
A) You don’t think that is but you have to. Just like you have to breathe and you have to sleep, you have to write, you have to answer all of the questions.
Q) Why are people so horrible, so cruel, so nasty to one another for no reason?