Babcia

I’m crying
in the park again
because I’ve got these crumbs
but the baby blackbird
won’t take them
even though they’re right here
right here
for you
food
for you
have it
go on
take them
but she won’t
but that’s not the reason
it’s just a reason
and I’m kinda close to the playground
(which could be weird because I don’t have kids)
(which could be weird because I am crazy)
(which isn’t weird because I am a woman)
and then this little lad
runs up to me and asks me
why are you sad?
and I tell him that
my head is poorly
and he says
does it hurt?
and I nod
and wipe my face
with my sleeve
like a child
and he peels
this grimey blue plaster
off his index finger
and it’s a bit stuck together
but he presses it firmly
onto my forehead
and he smiles
lovely
missing teeth
kindness
like my grandmother
and it stays there
on my head
for a few seconds
then falls into my lap
and a woman shouts
LUCAS COME AWAY FROM THAT LADY AT ONCE
and he runs away
my grandmother
my lovely grandmother
my lovely kind grandmother
my lovely kind grandmother with the missing teeth
runs away
off to play
and there’s nobody left to look after me
and I stick the plaster in my notebook
and I show him when I get home
and he says
there’s blood on it
and I say
yes
and he says
you touched the blood
and I’m not sure
if it’s a fact or a question
but I say
yes I touched the blood
and he says
you had this kid’s blood on you
and I’m not sure
if it’s a question or a fact
but I say
I had the kid’s blood on my skin, yes
and he says
not again
and he is furious
and he says
a bit too loudly
when will you stop getting random people’s blood on you?
and I say
I don’t know, I guess when people stop bleeding
and he calls me a fucking lunatic
and leaves the house
and leaves me alone
(which isn’t weird because we don’t have kids)
(which isn’t weird because I am a crazy woman)
(which could be weird because he’s supposed to love me)

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