Elsewhere

This grief cuts deep / exists in a place / that painkillers can’t touch / that alcohol can’t reach / for you cannot drown what lives at the bottom of the sea / this grief / inaccessible / the ocean floor / otherwise unknown / only ever imagined before / now horror feels like home / this grief / cosy in the marrow of your bones / can’t extract it / too much of it / talking won’t coax it out / only makes it multiply / this grief / in clouds too big to fit in the sky / all that missing / all his pain / all that hurting / falls on you like acid rain / this grief / pings against the walls of your chest / taints your every breath / relentless / casts shadows on the only bit of sunshine you have left / this grief / unchartered territory / can’t be silenced by screams / or exorcised with tears / just darkens dreams / conjures nightmares instead / worry that the memories in your head are incorrect / cannot believe that you still breathe / cannot accept that he will never / breathe again / at least he cannot leave again

he is everywhere and nowhere / he is here in this town / where he started / born / lived / left / laid to rest / in a basket made of hemp / asleep under granite / full circle / but outside of it / past the perimeter / uncontained / free / he is somewhere / somewhere else / paradise / you hope / or just lost / you fear / just lost / just like you / just not here / just elsewhere

Free writing. Falmouth, Cornwall. Father’s Day, June 2019.

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13 thoughts on “Elsewhere

  1. “at least he cannot leave again”
    I remember saying something similar when my dad died. This touched me. ❤

  2. The grief of losing someone you love can be unendurable. But if it’s of any consolation what you’ve said about your dad in your previous posts only shows us how beautiful a person he was, and how much he loved and inspired you. Stay strong ❤️

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