Behold! A manic epiphany after going on a disgusting drink and drugs bender, not taking my anti-psychs and staying awake for way too long. This isn’t even my handwriting but I think I have (had?) a point. Maybe the people who are supposed to be helping me will understand this diagram? They obviously don’t listen to (let alone understand) what I say, but maybe now it’s all drawn out in colours and lines they’ll know what I need? I just laughed out loud. False hope. I’m sure it will be the same non-help as always, waiting months or years to meet another “expert” who teaches me how to count to 10 and tells me to take up boxing but in the meantime, while I languish on another list waiting for non-help before my name slips through the net or they lose the paperwork again or the expert quits or the funding doesn’t come through, “Take your meds and try not to kill anyone or yourself.” Classic. Any other BPD sufferers know what I’m on about, about the red bit? I know the rest, just someone please teach me how to do the red bit. God, I’m so tired of this. Thank you and goodnight.




  1. The biggest lie depression tells us is that we are alone, but we’re not. Your father was a wise man. I somehow think that as we do our best to follow the “red brick road” over and over when things aren’t to the emotional hurricane point, then maybe in time the path will be clearer when the tempests blow. That’s my hope anyway. xx

  2. I hear you. When I’m depressed, the last thing I feel like doing is taking a walk, (or doing much of anything on the B side). It’s quite difficult to make the red-line leap from side A to side B. Sometimes I get there eventually, but the storm of the mind usually runs it’s course first. I wish for you (and for us all), peace and a compass for the red-line journey.

    1. Thank you for saying that, you’ve made me feel less alone, even though I wish nobody would understand what I’m talking about because it’s horrible. Keep following those red lines as best you can. As my father used to say, “You can’t do better than your best.” xx

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