Days sober: 1 :'( 24 hours since my last drink. F*ck. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck it all. F*ck.
Things that are good today:
- New colourful nails (season appropriate, not black, for once)
- Began writing new short prose piece
- Bought 2 new books that may help me with Recovery
- It is Friday night and I am sober, in bed, listening to The Gorillaz
- Rain, rain, rain
- Everything about this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZDFQ3oYbg
- Brother bought me a can of Diet Coke.
Things that are bad today:
- Feels like somebody is repeatedly stabbing my ovaries
- Major abandonment issues:
totally irrational logic, but at least I recognise that my feelings are ridiculous and unjustifiable.
Although sometimes knowing that makes me feel worse…
- Wanted to see my dad but he was in the pub so I didn’t see him
- Mother was home all evening meaning I couldn’t smoke
- Sudden crash to extremely low mood for about three hours,
[If 0 = Suicide Attempt and 10 = Euphoria, I was around the 2 mark]
It was agony and it was scary and I didn’t need it
- Very confused about where we are in the year
Confused about the date and time
Generally disoriented about where I am and what I am doing when not in bed
- Failed to remember what year it is, twice, and that made me upset
- Horrible scab on my lip, will take ages to heal
- Desperately need new drawing inks but they’re too expensive
- Miss you.
I hate being stabbed in the ovaries and it usually takes me a solid 30 seconds to remember what month it is.