#655321(2)

Days sober: 1 :'( 24 hours since my last drink. F*ck. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck it all. F*ck.

Things that are good today:

• New colourful nails (season appropriate, not black, for once)
• Began writing new short prose piece
• Bought 2 new books that may help me with Recovery
• It is Friday night and I am sober, in bed, listening to The Gorillaz
• Rain, rain, rain
• Everything about this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZDFQ3oYbg
• Brother bought me a can of Diet Coke.

Things that are bad today:

• Feels like somebody is repeatedly stabbing my ovaries
• Major abandonment issues:
  totally irrational logic, but at least I recognise that my feelings are ridiculous and unjustifiable.
  Although sometimes knowing that makes me feel worse…
• Wanted to see my dad but he was in the pub so I didn’t see him
• Mother was home all evening meaning I couldn’t smoke
• Sudden crash to extremely low mood for about three hours,
  [If 0 = Suicide Attempt and 10 = Euphoria, I was around the 2 mark]
  It was agony and it was scary and I didn’t need it
• Very confused about where we are in the year
  Confused about the date and time
  Generally disoriented about where I am and what I am doing when not in bed
• Failed to remember what year it is, twice, and that made me upset
• Horrible scab on my lip, will take ages to heal
• Desperately need new drawing inks but they’re too expensive
• Miss you.

#655321(2)