Days sober: 1 :'( 24 hours since my last drink. F*ck. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck it all. F*ck.


Things that are good today:

  • New colourful nails (season appropriate, not black, for once)
  • Began writing new short prose piece
  • Bought 2 new books that may help me with Recovery
  • It is Friday night and I am sober, in bed, listening to The Gorillaz
  • Rain, rain, rain
  • Everything about this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZDFQ3oYbg
  • Brother bought me a can of Diet Coke.



Things that are bad today:

  • Feels like somebody is repeatedly stabbing my ovaries
  • Major abandonment issues:
    totally irrational logic, but at least I recognise that my feelings are ridiculous and unjustifiable.
    Although sometimes knowing that makes me feel worse…
  • Wanted to see my dad but he was in the pub so I didn’t see him
  • Mother was home all evening meaning I couldn’t smoke
  • Sudden crash to extremely low mood for about three hours,
    [If 0 = Suicide Attempt and 10 = Euphoria, I was around the 2 mark]
    It was agony and it was scary and I didn’t need it
  • Very confused about where we are in the year
    Confused about the date and time
    Generally disoriented about where I am and what I am doing when not in bed
  • Failed to remember what year it is, twice, and that made me upset
  • Horrible scab on my lip, will take ages to heal
  • Desperately need new drawing inks but they’re too expensive
  • Miss you.


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