mad, bad, sad girl

After 46 days booze-free, yesterday I got blind drunk and I am not pleased about it at all.

I don’t remember much. I don’t know how I got home. I think I went to the TH pub but I might’ve made that up. I think I spoke to JJ but maybe I didn’t. I don’t remember how bad I was – I am scared and ashamed anyway.

I know that I sent drunken text messages to people that I should not have. I think I called The Lawyer which was bloody stupid. But worse, I think I went to his house – I don’t know.

I know that I fell over. My face hurts – my lips are cut and I am lucky that I didn’t knock my teeth out or break my nose. I remember landing on my face. But I don’t know where I fell – somewhere on the way home I guess. My knees are cut, my tights are ripped, my coat is dirty, my fingernails are broken.

My phone screen is smashed to pieces and it won’t turn on. I am so upset that my Kindle screen is smashed too, the touchscreen is totally unresponsive. I lost my cigarettes. And I have lost my debit card. I am so embarrassed. It will cost me so much time, money and effort to replace these things.

I had plans today that I was really looking forward to – football at the pub with my dad and brother, and a date night in town this evening. But instead I am hiding under a duvet, scared, ashamed, worried, embarrassed, sad, with only my hangover and drunken injuries for company.

I hate myself.

1 Comment

  1. I was worried when I heard you were going back to drinking at the end of lent. I really think you should not drink anymore – get some help with it, join AA or something like it – I’m worried about you. I care about you a lot, as much as two people on the internet who only read about each other’s lives can.

Tell me what you think!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s