One month sober

And so it is
Just like you said
It would be
Life goes easy on me
Of the time…

Nobody can quite believe that I haven’t had any drink or drugs for a whole month. All the ‘I’m so proud of you’s are followed by ‘I can’t believe it, I didn’t think you’d last a week’ or ‘I was certain you would be back on the booze by now’ or ‘To be honest babe, I really didn’t think you could do it.’

But I fucking have, so fuck the lot of you.

I’m not shouting because I’m trying to show off and make myself look better than you, no, never that, for we alcoholics are all as bad as each other. I am shouting because I’m so angry that none of my friends had any faith in me, and that nobody in my family believed in me. None of you thought I could do it. But the worst part is that I didn’t either.

I didn’t believe in myself. I thought I was setting myself up for failure. I didn’t think I would survive those first few days, let alone weeks. I had no faith in myself whatsoever. I didn’t think I could do this, but I have, I’m still doing it. It makes me so sad to realise that I didn’t believe in myself. I saw myself as weak, desperate, pitiful, powerless. Just another sad, lonely girl in a big, bad world. But, actually, my month of sobriety has proved otherwise:

I must remember to always believe in myself, even when nobody else in the world does. Why? Because I am a hell of a lot stronger than I think I am.


  1. Excellent – that is a huge achievement, Helena, as I know from personal experience. Yes, we have to believe in ourselves (bloody hard though it is) at such times because very often it will be our nearest and dearest casting aspersions – and, although they often do it because they do care and are concerned, an aspersion cast is still wounding. Here’s to the next month, and the next! xxx

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