I have officially been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I do not know how I feel about this.

I have a new psychiatrist.

He said a lot of things which made sense.

I like him and I think I believe the things he says.

I have a new care team and they’re all nice people.

I have finished my job at the publishing house.

I start a new job as a managing editor at a content creation company on Thursday.

I am starting quetiapine tomorrow.

I am not looking forward to the side effects.

I am scared and tired and in pain but I am alive and that is good.

I really wanted to go to the Jack’s Lake today but I couldn’t face the walk.

Also, the girl who stole my life from me was standing across the road and I didn’t want to walk near her lest I batter her to death.

So instead I walked in the opposite direction and I spent the day at the library, writing and smoking.

I slept with another total stranger this weekend, that I picked up from a pub.

After he had fucked me in the back of his van he told me that was the first time he has ever cheated on his girlfriend of 8 years.

By pure coincidence, I met his girlfriend the next day.

She is amazing, so funny and cheerful and just lovely.

I am the worst kind of human.

I am scared and tired and in pain but I am alive.

My mood is very, very unstable.

I have been having strange dreams and they are troubling me because I just want someone to tell me what they mean and then make them stop.

I wake up in a bad state.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow.

I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday with Clive and LC to work out a treatment and recovery plan.

I would like to see my niece and nephew.

I will get my blood test results tomorrow.

I don’t think Lithium is working anymore.

I watched a very nice French film this weekend.

I make mistakes and then I do not learn from them, but instead I repeat them.

I miss my brother.

I miss my freedom.