I have officially been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I do not know how I feel about this.
I have a new psychiatrist.
He said a lot of things which made sense.
I like him and I think I believe the things he says.
I have a new care team and they’re all nice people.
I have finished my job at the publishing house.
I start a new job as a managing editor at a content creation company on Thursday.
I am starting quetiapine tomorrow.
I am not looking forward to the side effects.
I am scared and tired and in pain but I am alive and that is good.
I really wanted to go to the Jack’s Lake today but I couldn’t face the walk.
Also, the girl who stole my life from me was standing across the road and I didn’t want to walk near her lest I batter her to death.
So instead I walked in the opposite direction and I spent the day at the library, writing and smoking.
I slept with another total stranger this weekend, that I picked up from a pub.
After he had fucked me in the back of his van he told me that was the first time he has ever cheated on his girlfriend of 8 years.
By pure coincidence, I met his girlfriend the next day.
She is amazing, so funny and cheerful and just lovely.
I am the worst kind of human.
I am scared and tired and in pain but I am alive.
My mood is very, very unstable.
I have been having strange dreams and they are troubling me because I just want someone to tell me what they mean and then make them stop.
I wake up in a bad state.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow.
I have a hospital appointment on Tuesday with Clive and LC to work out a treatment and recovery plan.
I would like to see my niece and nephew.
I will get my blood test results tomorrow.
I don’t think Lithium is working anymore.
I watched a very nice French film this weekend.
I make mistakes and then I do not learn from them, but instead I repeat them.
I miss my brother.
I miss my freedom.