Today, I feel good. I started the day in my usual way, with a lovely warm coffee and a cigarette outside in the sunshine. Then I gave myself a French manicure, and my nails look awesome. To think I used to bite them all off! Some may call it procrastination, I call it a positive step towards Recovery. Yes, I’ve got studying to do. But my CPN told me to look after myself. And if that means simply painting my nails then fuck yeah! She told me to imagine my 8 year old self: she still exists within me, and it is my responsibility to look after her. I must treat her how I want her to be treated. So I am spoiling her today and painting her nails and letting her listen to old school garage and house tunes from the 90s.
I am going to spend the day planning my 6000 word essay for the Contemporary Fiction course. The question: Discuss the significance of mourning in two or more texts that you have studied on this course. I am going to write about mourning in What I Loved by Siri Hustvedt and How to Paint a Dead Man by Sarah Hall. I have about 6 weeks to do this. I also have to do my 6000 word essay for The Girl in the Book course. The question: Discuss the significance of fantasy in two or more texts that you have studied on this course. I am going to write the essay on Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Carroll and The Magic Toyshop by Angela Carter. I have about 5 weeks to do this.
It’s all kicking off! Tomorrow is Derby Day, my favourite day of the year. Tottenham vs Arsenal. Tottenham away, the greatest day of the year. I am absolutely buzzing. I want to go back to North London to watch the game but I have too much work to do so I will stay at university and watch the game at the pub here instead. The atmosphere won’t be the same but sod it. My degree is more important than football (I can’t believe I just said that).
But yes, I feel good. I have lots to keep busy with and I finally have money so I can buy food. I need to keep drinking lots of water because the lithium is making me really dehydrated. My shakes aren’t too bad today either which is good. Everything just feels okay today.. Too good to be true? I will crash soon, it’s inevitable. But for now, I will enjoy living.