For today’s post, siegmom suggested that I write out exactly what my thoughts are, and a list of what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I have already done The Definitive List, so revert to that post to see what makes me happy and sad, my likes and dislikes. But here are my thoughts:
- I cannot be with someone who doesn’t think that the sun shines out of my ass.
- Suicide is the easy way out:
I need to hand in all of my surplus medication today so that I cannot overdose.
- An overdose would destroy my relationship and my family ties forever.
- I cannot be with someone who thinks that I need them to survive.
I do not need you, never have, never will, I will be just fine alone.
- I think that I really need help now, and I am willing to accept it.
- I must quit drinking alcohol first, then quit smoking, then change my diet.
- The most important thing right now is my health, then my studies.
I will tackle both of them to the ground.
- Today, I am going to see the CPN, then stay in bed and read 1Q84, then make dinner, then sleep.
- I feel alone, but glad to be alone.
- I feel exhausted, but glad to be tired.
- I feel lost, but glad to be lost in my own little crazy world.