For today’s post, siegmom suggested that I write out exactly what my thoughts are, and a list of what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I have already done The Definitive List, so revert to that post to see what makes me happy and sad, my likes and dislikes. But here are my thoughts:

  • I cannot be with someone who doesn’t think that the sun shines out of my ass.
  • Suicide is the easy way out:
    I need to hand in all of my surplus medication today so that I cannot overdose.
  • An overdose would destroy my relationship and my family ties forever.
  • I cannot be with someone who thinks that I need them to survive.
    I do not need you, never have, never will, I will be just fine alone.
  • I think that I really need help now, and I am willing to accept it.
  • I must quit drinking alcohol first, then quit smoking, then change my diet.
  • The most important thing right now is my health, then my studies.
    I will tackle both of them to the ground.
  • Today, I am going to see the CPN, then stay in bed and read 1Q84, then make dinner, then sleep.
  • I feel alone, but glad to be alone.
  • I feel exhausted, but glad to be tired.
  • I feel lost, but glad to be lost in my own little crazy world.

1 Comment

  1. Just take it easy, there’s nothing wrong with driving in the slow lane for awhile. Gives you an opportunity to observe all that’s going on around you. It’s tough but things’ll smooth out, believe me. Shoot me an e-mail if you’d like.

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